Love, a universal feeling exchanged between those holding either romantic or platonic statuses, may be gilded. In some cases, and in more than one would like to admit, love has been destroyed by toxicity. Often enough, this harmful behavior is overseen and even missed. Multiple warning signs could be flashing vibrantly, while still being passed over.
“When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags,” stated Wanda Pierce from the adult comedy Bojack Horseman. This quote perfectly explains how misperception may lead to love bound harmfully.
This phenomenon is not solely a result of gullibility. The toxicity of an individual may immediately be noticed by family, friends, or others that one may find to be dear. Despite the dynamics and depths of relationships, that others may more clearly perceive, the words of newfound love persist to conceal the reality of situations.
Toxic relationships may be with anyone that you find yourself to be acquaintances with. To save oneself of heartache and to avoid a position of mental and physical abuse, look at the three areas where those rose-colored glasses may appear to be glued to the face. These stages include wooing stage, the realization, and the end.
The wooing stage refers to the root of relationships where one individual wins over another by utilizing specific tactics. These tactics may include consistency in the act of giving gifts, speaking affirmative words one may wish to hear, and appearing as to be “perfect” in the eyes of specific standards. It is in this stage, that the person may seem to be your soulmate.
It is not long until these tactics go out of use. During this time, the person doing the wooing may become detrimental to your mental and physical health.
To make this concept perhaps clearer, let us compare this stage to a game many of you may have played, Uno. Throughout the entirety of the game, each person carefully watches how many cards are put down, along the style of such.
Like constant gifts and affection, one may play cards such as the reverse or the wild card. Here, the only rude thing that one may do is change the color. Then, when unable to realize such, the person drops every draw four within their possession, burying you in a pile of cards. This is just as you were about to call out, “uno.”
Silly in its anecdote, the idea of saving all the turmoil and dumping it onto a another depicts the concept of wooing. If trust wants to be won, it will be.
To escape from this stage, set clear boundaries with people of interest. This is along with adhering to boundaries.
When first communicating with said person, be sure to remind them of the pace in which you wish to develop your relationship at. It can be easy to move too quickly. Setting that pace is critical in ensuring that the person who may be toxic is, in fact, toxic. When partners of relationships do not adhere to wishes, and utilize their force against others, red flags become clearly visible.
This is a moment in which removal from the relationship is an option. Save yourself the trouble, later down the line.
This wooing period is the easiest to notice when a red flag is such. The glasses can come off easily if an effort is made. However, it becomes increasingly more difficult the more that relationships develop.
This is solely due to the truth buried behind a heaping pile of fear. This fear being that everything good may one day be lost and that there is hurt and sadness that comes along with it.
During this stage, it is as if the rose-colored glasses are most tightly bound. To play along with the theme of childhood games, this stage may be compared to the ever-burdening game of Monopoly.
As rotations are made around the board, properties build and increase. Expansions are made and the charge of rent continues to increase across a span of houses and hotels. As the game continues, all the hotels that you are destined to hit, have the potential to leave you bankrupt.
Like the realization stage, you can see all the bad that lies around the corner. Yet, you may not be able to stop yourself from rolling the dice and proceeding forward.
It is fear that holds one back from leaving toxic situations. Playing Monopoly and losing to someone else does not make a person toxic. This is at least usually the case.
The “fault” should not be concentrated on the person choosing to stay, but rather the person forcing another to stay. There are multiple tactics that an individual may use. This is including gaslighting, devaluation and manipulation.
Fear forces the victim to stay within the relationship. The mind may project moments of lust and gilded happiness, showing picture perfect capsules of memories. The mind will alter reality to fit into your yearned perception. This is the entire idea behind those rose-colored glasses.
To break free from this horror, try exponentially, pushing for freedom. Asking a close friend or family member for their opinion is so important in this process. Nine times out of 10, when someone considers your partner, either platonic or romantic, to not be good for you, trust them.
Those around you have a view that is clear and concentrated. Friends and family members will not be wearing those rose-colored glasses.
Yet, favorable people helping to guide you may not be an amenity to all. With understanding such, the best alternative to escaping those relationships is to visualize escaping them.
In class, we are constantly told to brainstorm; to write out ideas pertaining to specific topics using fun bubbles and arrows.
We use this to creatively see our ideas and how they may connect to a centralized theme. With these relationships flashing red, the central theme is exactly such. To make a clear connection between one’s actions and toxicity, write down every worrisome behavior. Use lines to connect those behaviors to the reason you should leave the individual.
Once again, childish, and even possibly cliche, these tactics may significantly guide someone to a better life that is ridden of mental and physical terror.
Never strive to seek a “perfect” life away from all burdens. It is not possible to do so, and you will not succeed. You can only control the now and potential future. What may have happened to you in the past will linger, but that allows you to grow.
It is vital to try these recommended solutions with absolute determination. Give freedom your all. As trying as it may be, show effort.
It is worth it in the end as you may see.
The final stage is when the last of efforts, manipulative factors, and fear all come together to paint a flag of crimson. This stage is considered the end. Happy in its nature, this stage proves the turmoil that had been suffered and endured.
Those rose-colored glasses remove themselves when their job has been finished.
You may likely feel a deep sorrow alongside a peak of joyfulness. This state of mind is set in purgatory. All the red flags that just looked like flags flash in your face. You begin to replay every moment, possibly feeling helpless and idiotic. These are universal feelings felt by everyone who falls into the trap.
Although this stage means the end of this toxic relationship, it does not mean the end of your effort. This moment is critical to the healing process. This stage allows the placement of more trust within yourself. All the warning signs depicted have proven themselves true. Trusting those that can identify red flags earlier on can save you from turmoil.
To fall back onto the quote previously used: “When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags,” we realize the fault does not linger above us or our peers, but rather the glasses that have forcefully placed themselves onto our blissful faces.
Knowing that these rose-colored glasses have the power to shield, attempt with all of you might to discard of them. Trust yourself, others and never the red blinders.
