Stressed about uncertainties

If you ask me what day it is, I honestly am not sure without having to check my phone or wall calendar. 

There are a lot of things I am uncertain about right now, and I know I am not the only one. 

When quarantine started, I knew this would be hard, but I didn’t think it’d be this hard. 

The original stab started when I heard I couldn’t see my grandpa for a while. He visits me a lot to check on me and often brings me quarters for my laundry. It’s the littlest acts of kindness that go a long way; that is something I learned from him. My grandpa is my favorite person, and there is nothing I look forward to more than getting to see his face. 

I haven’t seen my grandpa since February and I am heartbroken every day thinking about it. We talk once a week, but it’s not the same not seeing his face every few weeks. Since he is in Ohio and I am in Pennsylvania, it’s not like I can even drive by and sit at the end of his driveway and see him. He lives alone, so the thought of him being alone makes me sad. Thankfully, my father and brother have checked on him for me. I can’t wait till this is over so I can see him again. 

On top of not seeing my grandpa, I also hurt not seeing my best friends every day. Watching them leave campus one by one two months earlier than they were supposed to hurt more than expected. Not getting to see them every day has become weird. 

I find myself waking up thinking I’m late to study dates and other planned events, but unfortunately they are miles away. 

Something I never thought I’d miss is my classes. I love learning, but dragging myself out of bed some days is hard. There is nothing wrong; I’m just a college student. Yes, I’m still in class, but online classes are harder than expected. There are days I miss walking to class and being lectured at. 

The next time I am supposed to return to a physical class is up in the air. A few colleges have announced that they may be online next semester. Will Gannon follow this lead? If it does, who knows when I will see these friends or go to classes again? 

Next semester, I am scheduled to go to the Disney College Program in Orlando, Fla. However, Disney has announced that the trip might be canceled. Earlier this month, those scheduled to come in May were terminated before they could even set foot on Disney’s property. 

My heart broke for those who watched their dream get crushed, but my anxiety has risen thinking I could be next. I worked so hard for this position, and the thought of something taking it away from me so easily is crazy. The uncertainty of the next time I will visit the Happiest Place on Earth hurts. 

Thankfully, I scheduled for classes here at Gannon next semester just in case Disney cancels on me. It stinks I won’t be there, but at least I’ll be back with my friends and graduate on time. 

That’s another thing stressing me out — when will I graduate? If I go to Disney, I graduate a semester late, but if I stay, I graduate on time. 

I miss my friends and family dearly, but for now, I just have to sit back and take it day by day.

Waiting for my fate to decide itself. 

 

OLIVIA HAHNER
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