Award nomination outcomes obvious

Don’t expect anyone to “Crash” the 83rd Annual Academy Awards on Feb. 27. Though some have made mountains out of molehills of the snubs and Sundance nominations announced Tuesday, the victories will be no surprise, as this year’s award season sweethearts will most likely win the ultimate prize in Hollywood. 

As per tradition, the Razzie nominations for the worst in filmmaking were announced the day before the Oscar nominations on Monday, and the show will take place the day before the Oscar broadcast on Feb. 26. 

Even though the Academy decided to keep the recently introduced tradition of 10 nominees alive, the best picture this year will be no surprise.

Critics took to “The Social Network” like Mark Zuckerberg to a pair of Adidas flip flops. It has all the elements of a best picture winner: an excellent screenplay and director, a strong ensemble cast and hipster appeal. 

And so continues the Justin Timberlake world tour to prove he’s no longer the former Mr. Britney Spears who “brought sexy back,” but a serious actor, or more aptly someone who got lucky playing himself in a movie critics actually liked.

One ensemble cast that sticks out on the other end of the spectrum is “Sex and the City 2.” Nominated for a Razzie for worst picture, this tale about the trials and tribulations of four octogenarian women flashing their naughty bits and solving Middle-Eastern gender inequalities through shoes, was torn apart by critics. 

Apparently people aren’t thrilled to see a woman with a full-time nanny and a husband complain about the troubles of caring for her two kids.

If the best acting nominations were political primaries, the best actor would be the Republican pick and the best actress the Democratic pick.

Every year the best actor trophy goes to the guy who has paid his dues and finally recieves his prize.

This year’s John McCain is Colin Firth, who got nominated last year for his brilliant performance in “A Single Man.” With his inspiring turn as stuttering King George VI of Britain, this will be his victorious year.

This year’s Barack Obama is Natalie Portman. Portman has had promise for years, but her crazed ballerina turn in “Black Swan” is her first chance for an Oscar best actress win. 

It isn’t even her award to lose, because no matter how many awkward acceptance speeches she makes and movies of “No Strings Attached” mediocrity she participates in, she will win.

Sandra Bullock took the crown last year after a year that included “All About Steve,” not to mention that tears and silliness are par for the course for best actress winners.

Somewhere in the world, Kristin Stewart looks at the career of Portman and salivates.

If Portman can escape the awful dialogue of “Star Wars” prequels, Stewart can get people to forget her participation in Twilight. The problem remains, though, in Stewart’s inability to act past blinking, stammering and showing no emotion.

But Stewart should rejoice that her skills got her some recognition this year with a Razzie nomination. But Jennifer Aniston should clean the floor with Stewart and the others with her two nominated performances.

There was the one where a hard-bodied, glossy-haired woman, unlucky in love, tries to escape being bounty-hunted by her ex-husband. And there was the one where a hard-bodied, glossy-haired woman, unlucky in love, impregnates herself via turkey baster.

And her upcoming feature “Just Go With It” should cement this win for “The Bounty Hunter” and “The Switch.” Seriously, it takes two minutes of the trailer to realize that Aniston and Adam Sandler will end up together, a coupling no one wants to see. Add to that a cameo by Heidi Montag and that one is a rotten tomato.

The worst accolade should go to Ashton Kutcher. Anyone involved in the atrocity that was “Valentine’s Day” or who helps Katherine Heigl continue her insufferable leading lady tour in “Killers” deserves attention.


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