I promised myself to not talk about Valentine’s Day at all, but I have nothing else to write about, so here’s everything I hate about Valentine’s Day.
It’s not that I have a bad attitude about being single – I love it. I’ve hated Valentine’s Day even when I was with someone. It’s like an over-played song on the radio – I just want to make it stop.
The color pink is the first thing I hate about Valentine’s Day. It’s such a girly color and if you know me, I’m not girly at all.
I think my dislike for pink started when I was first born. My mother was thrilled to finally have a girl, so naturally she painted my room pink, installed pink carpeting and covered my bed with a pale pink blanket. It looked like a unicorn threw up in my room.
Valentine’s Day also brings tacky gifts and crumby cards – what’s worse than that?
People think they can pick up one of those awful teddy bears holding a giant red heart that says, “I love you,” and that would automatically make them the best in the world, or the cutest, but I’d beg to differ. If anything, take that back and just get me a cheap bottle of wine.
Another aspect I hate about Valentine is the notion of sending useless cards, which companies like Hallmark seem to promote only for profit.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve read some pretty legit cards, but there’s something specific about Valentine’s Day cards that make them the worst. I will only accept cards if they are from my family, or have cute puppies on them.
I’m sure I sound like an annoying, grumpy person, but I’m just outspoken, so I’m going to continue.
Then there is the terrible Kay Jeweler’s commercials with heart shaped necklaces that you can “get your loved one.” I’m sorry, but if anyone ever got me that necklace at all, I would probably laugh hysterically – and for the record, I’m not the only person who thinks this.
Add to the list those chalk-tasting candy hearts with the cheesy sayings on them. I’m not sure who made those, but they have zero taste and they are pure sugar, which I enjoyed when I was a kid, but not now.
In kindergarten, I would love getting those heart-shaped candies because they’d have cool sayings, such as, “Be mine,” “Let’s Kiss” and “Hug Me.”
Also, the heart-shaped boxes of assorted chocolates. Those things suck. Out of a box of 30, only two are worth the full bite and you end up with 28 half–eaten ones. Stop wasting your money on those.
Just put me in the men category because I’m sure myself and all or most of the men in the world hate Valentine’s Day. Men feel obligated to get over-priced roses – which generally last no more than a week – and some expensive chocolate – most women’s best friend.
Friday will be just another day to me and I will be wearing my black on black on black outfit to be in the spirit.
I know I’m from Ohio and “Ohio is for lovers,” – all my Hawthorne Heights fans – but I think I’ll sit this year out again.
COLLEEN LANGHAM
