Change puts friendships, people, loyalties to test

I am not the same person I was yesterday, and I don’t mean that metaphorically. Monday, I was feeling a bit under the weather, while on Tuesday I felt maybe a tad better. But that still has left me with unhappy reactions to illness. I changed.

For as long as I can remember, I have been hearing about this concept called “change.” For some reason, the more people try to explain it, the more I feel they shouldn’t. Why does it need an explanation or a rationalization of some kind?

I wasn’t the only one who changed within the last 24 hours – you have, too, and so did the rest of the world.

All we hear about change is that it is difficult and inevitable. We hear it’s necessary; it’s what keeps us going, what keeps us relevant. But we also hear it’s bad, sudden and of course, unknown.

We never take time to actually examine what all these words mean, and yet, we still find it acceptable to approach an old friend or acquaintance and tell them they’ve changed.

I have been on the receiving end of that line several times, and not once have I taken it offensively. In fact, my first reaction to that seemingly harsh comment is, “And why haven’t you?”

Everything else has.

I just read that change is one of the top reasons why relationships end. People drift apart for many reasons, and I think “change” is just one big cloud people hide under whenever they’re asked why they went their own ways.

I for one believe change is a good thing – and can only be a good thing. In fact, if I find myself stuck in a static relationship – one that entails having the same discussions, doing the same things, or just simply feeling the same way – I know that it won’t last.

The person I was nine years ago, is not the same person I am today. And if I am about to end a relationship with someone, it’s most likely not because they have changed – but because they haven’t.

I know it probably sounds like I am for people changing each other, but I am not. I am only for people trying to change themselves, and only themselves.

You may have enjoyed talking about Pokemon cards more than a decade ago, but – and I know some may still object – the topic is obsolete by now.

What I am trying to say is, the sign of a good friendship is its ability to withstand change, and engage in it accordingly. If a relationship fall apart, it’s not because people changed, but because people most likely haven’t.

I know from experience how hard it is to keep a relationship – any kind of relationship  – afloat when the parties involved suddenly realize they have become submerged in their own separate worlds. But the fact remains that it’s everyone responsibility to accommodate the change that took place, not just sit there and watch it happen.

 

HIBA ALMASRI

almasr[email protected]