Topical technological toy fuels need for speed

Well, it’s happened. I’ve officially joined the 21st century by obtaining an iPhone.

I know – what took me so long, right?

I mostly didn’t get a smart phone sooner because I didn’t want to pay for the data plan. But there were other reasons.

First of all, I didn’t need another distraction in my life. Netflix has already taken care of that on its own. With the iPhone, I have more distractions than I could have ever dreamed of right at my fingertips.

But so far, not only is my work miraculously getting done, but I still watch just as many unlimited TV episodes and movies as I did before I got the phone.

Secondly, I waited to get an iPhone because there always seems to be another one coming out. I’m well aware of the commercials making fun of the slight changes to every new model – the headphone jack on the bottom, the new ear-shaped headphones, etc.

In fact, I find those advertisements – mostly for the new Samsung Galaxy – quite amusing. The changes to the iPhone absolutely are slight and ridiculous. But people keep buying them.

No fun that Samsung pokes is going to make loyal Apple snobs rethink their cellular decisions.

Finally, people warned me about the iPhone. They said they wouldn’t know what to do without it; that they feel like a lost puppy when the battery dies. They said it’s the best purchase they’ve ever made, but it sucks your soul away.

I’m not going to say that I didn’t believe these warnings, because I did, but I got the phone anyway. I didn’t fully understand the full effect until I actually had it in my hands.

The moment unleashed emotions implicative of a bad parody. “The Perks of Having an iPhone:” In that moment, I swear I was infinite.

Seriously, though. I felt like I could do anything; like I would never be helpless or bored again in my life. It was fantastic. And really, really scary.

I knew right then and there that my life had just been slightly altered. I now fully relied on a tiny $700 computer.

That’s where all the people I talked to were right. The iPhone does steal your soul, because it turns you into a complete dependent. I’ve only had the thing for a week, and I don’t know how I survived every day without immediately checking the weather so I could figure out what to wear.

Just a week ago I used a computer to check my balance at the bank before shopping sprees. Now I do it while I’m standing in line at Wal-Mart, just to make sure I have enough for all the things I don’t really need.

Now I spend too much time every day cursing Words with Friends for my lack of applicable vowels and drawing tacos for assorted friends’ guessing pleasures. Meanwhile, the rest of my life has remained the same.

I may never know what I did with all my time before the iPhone, but I can tell you one thing: I don’t particularly care. Addicted as I may be, I will never go back to my good old LG Cosmos.

I may be riding the bandwagon at full force, but I’m doing it in style.

 

KELLY MORELAND

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