Spoilers bring element of fury to viewing Olympic games

WARNING: This column may contain spoilers.

Now that the summer 2012 Olympics have finally concluded, we can all look back and compare internal highlight reels of our favorite moments.

Now that the games are indisputably over, we can relish the victories, lament the defeats and bask in the glaring light of all those American gold medals. We can relive the way our hearts pounded as we watched Gabby Douglas make her last pass on the floor routine during her gold medal all-around performance, or the way our jaws dropped every time Ryan Lochte appeared onscreen in all his chiseled glory.

Come on, I know I wasn’t the only one.

Now, and only now, we can fully appreciate all of these wonderful little nuances of the London 2012 games.

There are some people who I don’t think quite understand this concept. When you have events taking place in a different time zone, not everyone is going to be on the same page when it comes to nondisclosure of the results.

No matter how hard I tried to evade the horror of prematurely learning the outcome of a long-awaited event that had yet to be televised, someone had to ruin it.

I thought I had taken all of the necessary precautions. I stayed away from Twitter, because I knew all the news handles would be tweeting about the results as they happened, not as they were televised. Which I completely understand. Breaking news is the bees’ knees. I get it.

But I thought, foolishly, naively, some might even say innocently, that Facebook would be safe. What kind of clown would knowingly post the results of an event that wasn’t on TV until primetime? Perhaps someone who wanted to let people know, despite the fact that the event wouldn’t be televised until six hours from now, they are just so gung-ho about the Olympics that they watched it live, online, on a really slow and pixilated stream. Someone who wanted to make absolutely certain all 837 of their friends know just how dedicated to the Olympics they are, and how lame everyone else is for waiting to watch it when it’s actually on TV.

I know it might be unfathomable, but these fools really do exist. These are the kinds of people who would savor the pain and suffering that can only come from this conversation:

“Oh, you haven’t seen ‘The Sixth Sense’ yet? Oh, well the ending is totally awesome, it turns out…”

“STOP! I DON’T WANT-“

“He’s really been DEAD the whole time! Isn’t that WILD?! Doesn’t that just blow your mind?”

“…”

If you haven’t seen “The Sixth Sense,” I apologize. But I tried to pick something I assume you’ve all seen. It’s not like I told you that at the end of “The Dark Knight Rises,” Bruce Wayne…

I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I just get sort of fired up about these kinds of things. Plus, I did warn you in advance that there would be spoilers. Which should be a mandatory clause in ANY and ALL statuses and/or tweets that contain Olympic results.

We’ve only got two more years to get this concept into our heads. Training begins now, people.

 

CHRISTINE PEFFER

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