The Student News Site of Gannon University since 1947


The Student News Site of Gannon University since 1947


The Student News Site of Gannon University since 1947


Drive-by shooting starts month of turbulent karma

I have no idea what we did to make her so mad, but Karma definitely has it in for my roommates and me.

It all started a few weeks ago when I barely survived a paintball drive-by.

I was walking home from a friend’s house, wrapped up in a heated argument about whether or not Batman is a real superhero.

I was vehemently defending the caped crusader when a sketchy car slowed down as it drove by. What I saw still haunts me to this day.

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It was a bunch of guys wearing wolf masks, pointing a paintball gun out the window.

I didn’t see them at first, so naturally when someone yelled for me to hit the deck, I had to turn around and find out why.

Duck first, ask questions later.

I’d never been hit with a paintball, so when it drilled me square in the ribcage I was mildly unprepared for the pain and the massive welt that appeared the next morning.

But there’s no need to worry; they got caught a little while later. I actually got a subpoena for their trial, which I’m not looking forward to.

They shot me for no reason before — who knows what they’ll do to me if I testify against them?

Only days after that fiasco, our house was egged. Which I don’t even count anymore because it pales in comparison to everything else.

It only made our stairwell smell like wet dog for a couple weeks.

One of my two roommates was the next target.

I woke up one morning last week, went into her room and saw that sometime during the night she had inexplicably constructed a slip-and-slide made out of garbage bags coming out of her ceiling and funneling into a pot on the floor. She didn’t look happy.

“Remember when our landlord said he fixed the leaky roof?”


“I woke up at two in the morning and had to make this because it was literally raining on my face.”

Apparently things were just going to keep getting worse. I guess you could argue that getting shot is worse than a leaky roof, but I would probably have to disagree.

Pain is temporary. Wet sheets last all night.

The trifecta was completed Saturday night when my other roommate’s incident trumped all the rest.

It was close to three in the morning when an obscenely drunk driver slammed into her innocent silver Volkswagen  parked outside our house.

I guess the girl tried to flee the scene, but sadly for her she messed up her axle too badly to even move out of the middle of the road.

Since my roommate can’t move her car yet, she stuck a note on her windshield to the Erie Parking Authority Monday morning begging them not to give her a ticket for being parked on the wrong side.

Our luck might be changing, because they miraculously listened. But that’s not enough to stop me from looking over my shoulder everywhere I go just yet.

Batman, wherever you are, it’s time to silence the haters. Erie clearly needs you more than Gotham does.


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