Up until the past couple of weeks, I never really understood what people meant when they said they were “in a rut.”
The phrase just never made any sense to me, and I honestly thought people would say it when they were simply just having a bad day.
But lately, I’ve been having a series of days that just haven’t been my best.
Not that things haven’t been going well or in my favor, but just – not great.
I’ve been feeling very “blah,” and just numb to everything, and now I believe I understand what it means to be “in a rut.”
I’m not going to blame it on senioritis, because that’s the easy way out.
I just feel like my brain has essentially been done with this semester for quite some time, specifically as of February.
My mind, body and spirit cycle is way off. When I picture myself lately, all I can think of is a scene from a cartoon where my brain literally floats straight out of my head and off into the unknown, and I’m left standing there, trying to figure out what to do.
I just feel like I’m in a period of my life where I am totally uninspired.
It’s not anyone’s fault but my own.
In a way, it’s like I have to give my brain a boost after spending the last four years of college, four years of high school, two years of middle school, six years of elementary school and a year of preschool cramming my cranium with insane amounts of knowledge about the world and all its various subjects.
It’s not that any of the things I’ve learned over the past 21 years don’t matter anymore now that I’m getting ready to graduate from college, but it’s more that I am beginning to focus less on being a student and more on being a grown-up version of myself, mainly because I have to.
I think that what’s really bringing on my current state of mind is the fact that I am so ready to start over.
Even though I’m graduating and taking time off before my next big move, I look forward to just having the time to rediscover who I am without the “student” title.
If that means being a bum during the day and sitting around not doing anything, that’s totally OK with me, because at least then, I’ll have the opportunity to sit and think without being stressed and be able to rediscover what is happening in the world.
In the meantime, until May 7 when I am officially free of all my Gannon-related responsibilities, I will continue to remain in my non-caring rut. I am more than ready to clear out my mind and start fresh.
College has done a lot of good for me, but it’s also left its not-so-happy marks on my brain as well. It’s been an insanely stressful four years.
There’s so much more to life than school, and I can’t wait to explore what that life is like.
