Love is a tricky thing. When at its best, it fills you with this warmth that seemingly nothing could cool down. There are times, however, that love can end up burning you.
Unfortunately, my unconditional adoration left me unguarded for the potential of treachery. Despite my unending loyalty, an unexpected twist in our relationship left me with tears in my eyes and choking on my words.
Last Friday, I was tragically betrayed by my hot sauce.
Dave’s Insanity Sauce and I have known each other for years. Kaleb Kaschalk, a friend of mine from high school, introduced me to the spitfire when I was on break my freshman year. It wasn’t long before we became inseparable.
We didn’t make for the traditional couple, Dave’s Insanity Sauce being a fiery (about 750,000 Scoville units) Texan and I, the bearded, blue-collar giant. Despite our differences, Dave’s Insanity Sauce never failed to warm me up.
I knew that our future would likely consist of just us (the label warns against use by children and pets). It didn’t matter to me – Dave’s Insanity Sauce was special. Private Reserve, in fact.
I wasn’t worried that Dave’s Insanity Sauce had a family history of capsaicin (the active ingredient in pepper spray) – we had a bond that could withstand more than just one drop at a time.
For years, Dave’s Insanity Sauce and I lived in bliss. Unfortunately, I was ignorant of how our relationship could end up in flames.
On Friday, I was making some lunch. I turned on the burner and moved to wash dishes while I waited for the water to boil. Soon, I knew something was wrong.
My eyes began to water. I started coughing uncontrollably. Jake, my roommate, was across the room, confused by my sudden predicament. Soon, however, he was in the same boat as me.
Jake eventually realized that when Dave’s Insanity Sauce, a friend of Jake’s through me, helped him fix up a bowl of chili, some of the fiery fluid had landed in the burner. By turning on the stove, I had effectively created a pepper spray mist.
The effects lasted for nearly an hour, as Jake and I struggled to breathe while tears rolled down our cheeks. We even opened up our windows, letting in the wintry wind to alleviate our predicament.
It was then that I realized how ignorant I was of my relationship with Dave’s Insanity Sauce. I knew of the dangers, but I constantly made excuses so that I wouldn’t have to face the truth. Eventually, Dave’s Insanity Sauce burned me.
We’re still friends, but the relationship is strained. Perhaps we’ll be able to look back on this and laugh it off. For now, though, I just need to let things cool down.
