Serious. What exactly does it mean to be serious? By definition, serious means “acting or speaking sincerely and in earnest, rather than in a joking or half-hearted manner.”
If you know me, you know I am not a serious person. I prefer silliness, being emotional and doing things without thinking. Not the brightest moves, but hey that’s me.
For this column, my adviser suggested I try to write seriously. Telling me to be serious is like telling a straight-A student to purposely fail an exam. It’s crazy, but hey it doesn’t hurt to try.
Besides this article, there are only so few times I have had to be serious in my life. The most recent ones I can think of is when I found out my aunt and grandma were both diagnosed with breast cancer. With now being breast cancer awareness month, it is only appropriate to mention these two events.
It was this time last year when my mom informed me my aunt was ill. We had never been close, but the news still hit me like a school bus. I prepared myself for having to possibly see her when I came home for Thanksgiving break. I knew I couldn’t cry; I had to be serious. Unfortunately, but also luckily, I did not see my aunt while I was home.
However, I knew I would see her for our annual Christmas Eve festivities. When the time finally came, I prepared myself not to shed a tear or act awkward.
I had to be serious. It was easier than I expected, but when I got home I sobbed. I hate seeing anyone I care about in pain and full of fear.
The next event occurred right after spring semester midterms. I had just gotten home and was ready to think about nothing. My mom called me upstairs because she wanted to have a serious talk. There was that word. I definitely knew it would not end well.
My mom told me my grandma Pat had also been diagnosed with breast cancer. The feelings this time around were not the same as hearing about my aunt. Instead of a bus, it felt more like a semi-truck transferring elephants. That’s how hard it hit me.
The following summer, my family went down to Florida to visit her and my grandfather. We had planned this trip prior to her diagnosis. I’m glad we went because I only see her once every other year. It was nice to be able to see her for a few weeks, especially when I didn’t know how many more times I would have to see her. My parents reminded me once again to be serious when talking to my grandma. Thankfully she caught on and told me it was fine to react. I am still shocked that I never cried when with her. Deep down, I think I knew to keep it together.
My grandma is one of the most influential women in my life. At a young age, she taught me to live life like a strong, independent girl boss. Also, she taught me that you must work hard for the things you want in your life. Knowing my grandma, she would work her butt off to get past this. She has always told me to be myself, no matter what. Being serious for me is like wearing a mask. It’s not who I am and I hate hiding who I am. I prefer to be my bubbly self, but I know being serious is a part of growing up. However, growing up does not mean I have to lose sight of who I am.
OLIVIA HAHNER
