So, these last four or five months have not necessarily been what I thought they would be. I am working in a position I am grateful for but not enjoying, and I feel like I am wasting each day by not fulfilling my after-graduation dreams.
I am slowly working piece-by-piece to get my designing and communication business up and running, but the one thing that is missing is the drive I used to have. In school I was driven by the deadline of an assignment, a coach yelling at me to run faster or the hours quickly disappearing Tuesday nights in The Knight office.
But now, I sit staring at a computer all day entering data and losing all my energy. I do get to work from home, which is an upside to my position, but I feel like the years and money I put into getting my degree are being wasted. Like I said, I am very grateful for this job that I do have, but a big part of me craves something else — something less comfortable.
I don’t want to be doing the same thing every day and not challenging my mind with having to imagine and create designs from scratch, work with clients and have obstacles I need to overcome.
My vision of life after school is a lot different than the reality of the life I live. I have always been a busy person — it’s almost as if my anxious mind feeds off a complicated, overcroweded schedule. All I have ever known was being busy, and now, I just have so much time on my hands.
I know that there are people who wish they had more time for things, and I used to be one of those people. But what I have come to realize is that you take for granted the hectic life that kept you awake and feeling alive when you lose that drive and motivation and fall into a groove of slow, repetitive motions.
It’s depressing. And, as insane as this may sound, I am using that depression to attempt to light a fire of motivation within myself because I am tired of the life I am living day-to-day.
I need something that challenges my brain and something that makes me have to push myself to be better every morning I wake up.
A big part of how I am able to realize what I have to do and how I need to do it is the man I get to spend the rest of my life with. With everything that has changed in my life, one of the only things that I can say I am most excited about is becoming engaged to my best friend.
We have been together six years and he has seen me through it all. My senior year of high school when I was struggling with the reality of moving away for school, the distance over my four years at Gannon and now, my realization of what I need to be happy.
He has always been by my side, especially now. Having a support system through tough times in your life is crucial and I am lucky that he and my family have my back while I figure out my next steps.
If I could give any advice to the seniors as they finish their last year of school, it would be to not let the fire burn out after you walk across that stage.
Don’t become comfortable and stagnant in the first job you get. You had a dream and a reason for choosing to go to school, sodon’t let the job market or anything else stop you from finding a way to fulfill those dreams.
And if for some reason you lose that fire, fight like hell to light it back up.
BECKY HILKER
class of 2016
Editor’s note: Becky Hilker served as the editor-in-chief from 2015-2016 and contributed this column for Issue 3.
