I am a very passive aggressive person – I don’t like to go out of my way to confront people. However, that doesn’t mean when something does happen, I won’t deal with it.
There are a lot of things that I have learned over the past few months about myself that have really changed my outlook on life and the way I conduct myself in it.
I am beginning to realize how dependent I am on my interpersonal communication, which isn’t a bad thing, but it can hinder the way I communicate with others. For example, my passive aggressive behavior.
In my head, I say what I am thinking and am not discouraged while I am saying it because the sentence flows properly and it all makes perfect sense. But, the minute I go to say it out loud, the person I am saying it to does not understand and the point is lost.
So, I hold it in. Which to some may come across as being weak, but in a way it’s not because instead of rambling and not making a point I hold my thought and save it all for when it really counts.
When it is something important, I will say it and who I am saying it to will definitely hear my thought. But, I wait until I have fully thought about what I have to say because I have learned the hard way that saying whatever is on your mind – with no thought at all – is pointless.
Yes, some people may take advantage of my passive aggressive personality and think I am too nice to say anything, but it’s not that I am too nice, it’s because I would rather ignore the little disagreements and save it for when it really counts.
I feel as though people only listen to someone when they are angry or upset because they think they have done something wrong, but they don’t seem to listen when you are just trying to talk without anger.
It’s like there is no in between – either you are heard with anger or ignored with politeness.
I am not going to change who I am so more people can hear me. I can’t make people hear me, but with what I say I can make sure they want to listen. I’m trying to choose my words more carefully and be more aware of what I say to people because being passive aggressive isn’t a trait I want associated with my name.
The reason I don’t lash out at everything that upsets me, or the reason I don’t ask people to do something with an attitude, is because people doing something for you or apologizing to you just because you seem angry or upset isn’t the same as them doing it because they respect what you have said.
Being more aware and choosing your words carefully means everything and we as humans need to improve our communication abilities.

BECKY HILKER
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