The girls of MTV’s “Teen Mom 2” returned for a third season Nov. 12, and so far they’ve been reality TV gold – fake nails, fake hair, fake tans and a whole lot of very real legal drama.
You almost need a J.D. to follow Jenelle’s legal tribulations.
At the start of season three, Jenelle only had two months left until her probation ended and she regained her “freedom.” By freedom she meant “freedom to get baked whenever I damn well please.”
But after one slip-up during a night out with a friend, Jenelle insisted she just couldn’t quit, that she was “addicted.”
Jenelle must be confusing weed with heroin.
She told her lawyer she would rather spend 16 days in jail than go nine more months without Mary Jane.
The judge wanted her there Aug. 8-19, but that timeframe conflicted with a Kesha concert. Her attorney managed not to roll his eyes as he informed her that such an excuse wouldn’t fly with her probation officer. Jenelle insisted that she miss it, though, because she already bought clothes and rented a hotel room and got feather hair extensions.
Whatever this gentleman is making, it’s not enough.
He expressed his understanding, but ultimately gave her a choice: probation or a six by eight cell.
Before she had a chance to make a decision, her probation officer showed up to issue a random drug test. Jenelle – gasp – failed.
She called her mom to bail her out of jail. Barbara, affectionately called Babs by her legion of internet fans, had had enough. She’s already raising her grandson.
“The hell with you,” Babs said. “Sit in jail. I’m not coming. Goodbye.”
And the world rejoiced.
The most well-adjusted – and therefore least interesting – of the TM2 girls, Kailyn spent the first three episodes of this season supposedly making amends with ex-boyfriend Jordan while obsessing over baby daddy Jo.
In Tuesday’s episode, she came across a Facebook photo of Jo with another girl, much to Kail’s chagrin. She quickly realized the photo was taken on a night he was supposed to be watching their son, and its caption included the word “tipsy.”
She immediately contacted her custody attorney to set up a meeting.
We all know where this is going.
Unfortunately Chelsea didn’t lose her oompa loompa spray tan during the show’s hiatus. She also couldn’t shake her ex-boyfriend, Adam.
He all but moved into her house with her and their daughter, Aubree. When her father (and main source of income) got wind of their living arrangement, he was less than thrilled.
He made Adam move out, and their fight led to a great deal of tension at Aubree’s second birthday party, to which Adam arrived two hours late.
Really, he’s a treat.
Chelsea acted appalled that he nearly blew off their child’s birthday, but her past tells us she’ll forgive him. This is far from the worst thing he’s done. Remember that time he asked her via text where he could get the papers to sign over “that mistake.”
Despite her reluctance, Leah continued moving forward with her divorce from Corey, the father of her twin daughters, whose names I cannot spell let alone pronounce.
When the day came to finalize the divorce in court, Leah wore a suit, but Corey, out to impress no one, wore jeans. We can only assume the judge was surprised to see a couple of teenage divorcees in his courtroom. Then again, this is West Virginia, so who knows.
It looked like Corey was ready to hit the road after the hearing — he and Leah didn’t walk out together — but MTV’s producers must have intervened, holding his beloved truck hostage until he had one more awkward conversation with Leah.
Few words were exchanged. They agreed to focus on their daughters. Leah wished him the best, to which Corey responded with silence. Frankly, he hopes her cheating butt gets run over by a pickup.