Ending brings usual mixed feelings, good memories

When people talk about endings, they get lame and melodramatic – which is cool, whatever floats your boat. But maybe it shouldn’t be the case. Lots of endings don’t produce tears, sadness and horribly written greeting cards.

Take the apocalypse – If anybody cries during that, it will be from fear or being blinded by the lights, but not from sadness. But that is not the ending I face – at least that I know of – and so I will be lame and melodramatic from here on. You have been warned.

Like a bunch of kids graduating, I feel sad to leave college, scared and excited for the future, and a strange feeling of numbness to top it off.

I’m sad to leave my friends and the familiar, friendly atmosphere at The Gannon Knight newspaper and in my classes. I’m scared and excited for the future, although right now I’m more scared – I have an impending feeling of doom, as I haven’t figured out my future.

And that numb feeling has been hanging around the whole year. I can’t really process that my life as a student is going to end, so I’m just going through the motions. I was hanging out with Emily, one of my closest Gannon friends on Saturday, and she said she felt the same way – that this whole year just passed by her. Everybody tells you to live it up your senior year.

“College is the best four years of your life! Senior year is the best of the four! What are you doing just sitting around, Kid? Live-it-freakin’-up!”

Honestly, the whole shtick is overwhelming.

But, without really trying, I did live through four years of college. I can tell I’ve changed, because I can almost label the last four years with different time periods. Like last year, when I lived with Emily and one of my other friends, Shannon, and one of our upstairs neighbors had a plant named Charlemagne that he watered with beer. It was only last year, but it seems like a different lifetime.  But I hope I still have that stuff to come – good friends and random weirdoes.

I can barely remember the time before I joined The Knight, even though it was only two years ago. I had my Tuesday nights free, and I kept such a low profile that the only two people who knew me really were those girls.

It’s lame to say, but being the news editor of The Knight really pushed me out of my shell. I’ve had to interview a ton of people. It’s not like I’ve gotten to know all these people, but when I started this job, the idea of asking random people questions was pretty horrifying. Now I’m used to it. And I’ve gotten to know a group of nice, funny people here at The Knight.

So I’m hopeful for the future – scared, nervous, and all that, too. But I’m hopeful, because when I think about the last four years things always got better.

 

TESSY PAWLOWSKI

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