Elders bore with history lessons of years ago

Most girls aren’t huge fans of being called out by random dudes in a “Hey, Sexy,” type manner as they walk the streets of downtown Erie. Nonetheless, it seems to happen a lot. But I’d take that over this guy, any day, and he’s not even the least bit creepy.

It starts innocently enough. My friend and I are having a nice, pretentious time at Starbucks, drinking over-priced coffee and talking. A grayish dude comes over and asks to borrow my phone. I give it to him and help him operate the device; assistance I’d probably offer anyone 40 or older.

I’m not trying to be unfair to technology-hip oldies, but I’ve had to teach my mom a billion times how a side-flip phone operates.

After his call, we both expect that he’ll leave. But he’s not about to let his – literally – captive audience go.

“Do you like history?” he asks us.

“No,” my friend responds.

“Uh, ya, you know, it’s cool,” I mumble.

“I like an honest woman,” he says to my friend, smiling. But, apparently, he takes my polite-yet-unenthused answer more seriously than her blunt one, because he decides to tell us a little bit about his history. The gist of it is that his church owns this plot of land, but it can’t get its hands on it, because somewhere back in the day it was illegally sold.

Trying to make the best of the situation, I hope that this stolen-plot-of-land business involves some intrigue. Turns out, it doesn’t. Or that’s what I assume – because if it did, would he think the best way to entertain us was to pull out a map and describe land measurements in great detail?

It reminds me of this time when I was on a plane, reading “Harry Potter,” and this lady started talking to me, even though I was obviously invested in my book. As she talked, I tried to figure out what I was doing wrong to convince her I cared about her pageant-queen granddaughter.

Look, I understand that I should respect my elders and all but there should be a rule about these shenanigans. How about the following: Old, wise, Yoda-like people may take advantage of the listening ears of moderately polite, young people, whom they don’t know, if they possess an interesting war story or some juicy tale of forbidden love.

Or maybe, instead of putting unfair restrictions on the elderly, I’ll just wait to reap the benefits when I’m old. Then I’ll go around looking for random younglings to trap into hour long stories about my exciting youth. And since my life has thus far been about as exciting as Starbucks Dude’s and Plane Lady’s, they should have a horrible time. And I will enjoy their misery. I say, forget living up my youth, bring on the rock-and-roll days of geezer-hood.

TESSY PAWLOWSKI

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