I had thoughts about how college was going to end for me. I also thought I had two more months to worry about – and just two was stressful enough.
But that’s not how things worked out.
I have a week to say goodbye to everyone I’ve come to know and love here, at Gannon University.
I don’t even get to say goodbye to everyone either, because some people have already left.
I’ve had so many lasts that I wasn’t prepared for or ready to face yet.
I had my last college class, and I didn’t even realize that it would be my last physical lecture.
I had my last normal day of classes, used my last meal swipe and one hundred more things I didn’t even think about until they were over.
Two months isn’t a long time, but it’s a lot longer than a week.
With the contents of an email, my life felt like it was flipped upside and entered a freefall.
I’m not saying I disagree with Gannon’s choices; I understand them. That doesn’t change the stress, terror and overall sadness I am experiencing.
Everything feels very final.
Although I am technically still a student and am without my diploma, I am, basically, at the end of my college career.
Even if I stay on campus — which I am still figuring out if I am — things will be different. Nothing will be the same.
I’m not sure yet, either, if I will be staying on campus or returning to Buffalo. Neither seems like a great option.
Campus will be drastically different, but when I go home, I lose a lot of the freedoms I have become accustomed to since I first went away to college.
I have no idea how some people have left with what seems like ease. On Friday, by 4:30 p.m., I already saw people moving out.
When it’s my time to leave Gannon, whether that be now or in May, I will do so in great sadness.
I have grown so much during the four years I have spent here. I don’t know who I would be if I hadn’t gone here.
I am facing my final days here, and I feel dreadfully unprepared. I am unprepared. I haven’t found a job yet and my available start date has drastically changed.
I’ll be going from a busy schedule to an almost empty one.
The future is a mystery, and it’s a mystery that kills me.
I may be horribly underprepared, but that doesn’t change things.
It’s all still happening. And on the bright side, I might even be able to start a position early — though I don’t know how much of a bright side that really is.
It’s going to be sad to say goodbye to everyone and pack up for the final time. When I do move out, I’m probably going to get some of those typical Gannon graduate photos.
I don’t know when I’ll be back to my home.
With everything feeling so close to the end, it’s tragic. And it’s time to say goodbye.
All I can think of is that one Green Day song, “Good Riddance (Time of Your Life).”
Even if the title sounds a little less than happy, it’s a bittersweet moment.