My love/hate relationship with college has never been stronger.
Don’t get me wrong; Gannon is great and I wouldn’t want to be at any other university, but going home for Thanksgiving is the biggest tease and makes me hate going back to school.
Going back to school causes me so much anxiety and emotional pain. I wish I could say that I didn’t cry walking up the stairs to return to my apartment after break was over, but that would be a lie.
It’s not that I hate school so much and don’t want to be here. It’s just that I hate leaving home.
It would be one thing if I spent a day at home and came right back to school, but coming home for a few days and then turning around to head back to school really messes with my flow.
It’s always hard to adjust between living on my own and living with my family, and it’s especially hard during this time of year.
I’m very blessed to come from a family setting with a lot of love and the holidays are especially the best because my home feels extra comforting and cozy.
My mom and dad go out of their way every year to decorate nearly every nook and cranny of our house with a decorative Santa or a strand of warm gold lights.
Their efforts to make our house extra cheery and homey during the holidays is something that I’ve always appreciated it and that’s what makes coming home for Thanksgiving and Christmas so special.
My apartment is the complete opposite. My living conditions this year are less that ideal and I feel really lonely living so far off campus with none of my close friends.
I love the vibe of my bedroom, but the setup of the whole apartment is not great and frankly, kind of depressing.
I attempted to compensate for the gloomy feeling by decorating my room with some fake trees and string lights but that doesn’t equate what my parents are able to do at home, mostly because they themselves are the ones who make home “home.”
I basically sound like a homesick baby but it’s hard not to be during the holidays.
I’m missing out on all the typical fun holiday activities like baking cookies, gift shopping and binge watching “25 Days of Christmas.”
Instead, I get to spend two full weeks studying and crying over finals that could make or break the grades of my hardest semester yet. What joy!
These next few weeks are going to be completely horrible and filled with many tears and meltdowns and I wish I could just go back home and relive this weekend of stuffing my face, spending time with my family and relaxing with no dire responsibilities looming above my head.
Better yet, I wish I could just fast forward to the end of finals week when I’ll be headed home to enjoy an entire month of just that.
But alas, here I am stuck in dreary Erie with finals to study for and no end in sight.
If anyone has Santa’s number or knows where I can get some of that Christmas miracle magic, hit me up. I could use some right about now.